i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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