i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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