Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
