So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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