Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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