I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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