In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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