i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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