Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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