I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
