Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
