At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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