'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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