There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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