Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
