so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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