I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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