Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
