Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
