My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
only if we run a train.
done.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
