Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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