Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
