you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
