If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
