so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
