you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
is that a dick in a sweater?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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