In America we eat man semen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
