member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
