don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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