wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
