hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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