Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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