Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
