i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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