she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
