i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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