I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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