I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
