My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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