I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
