i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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