This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
