i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
