I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
