So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
