Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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