I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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