He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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