My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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