your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
